I went to church to get my ashes because I'm a good Catholic girl. Today the homily was about how we avoid mourning and go straight to celebrating life at funerals because mourning is dark and unpleasant. People avoid dark and unpleasant. It was also said we need mourning and to mourn as humans and how it was expected once upon a time that you grieve/mourn your lost loved one around 2 yrs. No one expected you to bounce back immediately. We must take the dark with the light, not forgetting either because We must experience both in order to move forward. Then a podcast I was listening to touched on grief, which coincidentally repeated what I heard in church. Here I am thinking this is very relevant right now and I need to take notice and listen to the intended message. Having recently lost a friend, 2 other friends not long ago, and in years past losing family members and of course to have my heart broken for the first time in my life by the untimely death of my father. All I have been feeling, is anger, and have been shoulda coulda woulda'ing myself over my friend's passing.
My heart hurts for my friend who lost his brother and friend. All I could think about is how angry I was when my father died. How could people go on about their day when MY dad wasn't living anymore. How could you eat when my father couldn't eat anymore, how could you speak, when my father can't speak anymore. How can you have any emotion other than grief because my father died. How can you continue to post your funny little things on social media knowing I lost someone so close. How disrespectful for anyone to be happy and not feel as lost as I do without my dad. All I have been thinking about is how my friend is dealing with the sudden death of his brother and how I, as a friend to both, should be living because I kept thinking about all of the emotion I felt when my dad died and he has to be feeling the same.
I felt selfish. How could I try and be funny when I know how painful this is for him. Now, I realize I am being selfish. I know nothing of what he feels. So what do I do? The answer is has been blaring in my face all day. I should let him mourn. I don't know how to help someone do that or if I can, but I can try. Nothing I can do or say will make anything okay. Sometimes silence and a spill of emotion is what is needed. You don't need to seem strong ALL the time. Memories and great times are wonderful and I can share those all day, but today I'm realizing through the dark we get to the light. Go through the mourning in order to celebrate life.
Through all of this, I'm realizing, I am not and haven't allowed myself to mourn the losses of my friends Cindy and Trevor (passed in the 2 years) or my Grandfather or Uncle or Aunt. I didn't allow myself to mourn my father. I didn't know how. I thought I needed to accept these things quickly and bounce back. I skipped it, not entirely, but I didn't allow myself to fully emote. I was too busy trying to be strong and hurry and heal.
So I think about my friend and his and loss and all I can do is let my heart hurt for him and let him get through the dark to find the light. Caulfield has been missed and will be even more so now. There's no one way to mourn or grieve, but there is one way to show that you care and that's all you can do for someone who may or may not be familiar with loss.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Am I still mourning?
Thursday, September 18, 2014
1 year down...
First, I have to say I pride myself on being different. I don't like being told I can't and I won't do something. That being said becoming a wife and a mom in a short period of time was pretty sweet.
This will probably be pretty boring...
People said I won't have a social life.
Well, that's almost right. I don't let others dictate my life, but sometimes you can't help your environment. Yes, I do stay home more, but I don't feel like I HAVE to, as in I'm put out to stay home or I'm missing something. I want to. I like hanging out with my daughter and husband and being a part of who she will be later in life. No, I don't use my daughter as an excuse to not go somewhere. I go out with my friends. I keep in touch and so does Richard. Yes your family comes first and foremost, but as TLC said,"what about your friends?" How many times has a friend started dating someone and disappeared and in a way used you as their queue until the next significant other came along? How many times has a friend gotten married had kids and disappeared? I refuse to be that person. Now, I understand some people can't juggle those things or maybe the case is they don't want to. I, personally, enjoy all of my friends and don't see a problem with making sure they remain a constant consistent part of my life and my family's life. So I make sure to make that happen. After all, they are kinda family too, right?
People said I wouldn't sleep.
Hahaha! In your face. Yes, I have a relaxed baby and there are many factors involved in that. A few I attribute to Richard and myself. Others I attribute to the atmosphere I subject my daughter to. One thing I have learned working in daycare and in life is that you have to roll with the punches. So yes, in the beginning we had little sleep. Instead of pissing and moaning about it, I did research and figured out a few tricks. Ava was sleeping through the night at 2 months And she's a great kid thus far (yes at only a year). Yup.
People said you can't travel.
Well, we've been to Austin twice,Missouri and New York...with ease.
People said you'll be broke.
Nope. Richard and I lead a happy average life. Honestly, I prefer my money going to a comfortable life and a baby than booze. ;) Although I'm happy to partake when duty calls.
People said there goes your love life.
Nope. I can still feel like I'm walking passed a construction site when I walk by Richard and Richard gets harassed by the crazy lady cooking dinner.
People said well you might as well have another right away.
Hold up. Gimme a little while to get my body back and another minute to get my drink on THEN we'll talk baby. I definitely didn't wanna get all loosey goosey and then looser and goosier. I would like to tighten back up. Then go in for the kill. K thanks.
Getting married and having a child with my favorite person in the world were the 2 best things I have ever done. I have 2 life long companions and I am happy to grow with the both of them.
Illnesses
Well. We've been through RSV, roseola, displastic kidney, ear infections and on my baby's 1 yr birthday...a febral seizure. We survived.
I waited an entire year plus to tell you I LOVE being a mom and I'm good at it. Its not for everyone, but it doesn't have to be as bad as people make it out to be, and it definitely doesn't have to be as hard...so far ;)
Things I miss
There is only thing I truly miss. My father. I am VERY envious of those who get to see their father act as grandpa and well, hear their kids say "papa" Or whatever derivative a toddler comes up with. I do get upset and sometimes because at times I selfishly feel abandoned. I would have loved to see how my dad responded to Ava, which I'm sure would have been much like he did to my nieces and nephew, but neither Ava nor I get to experience it. I think about it ALL the time. I also keep a picture of my father and me in Ava's room. Sure I'll get to share stories etc., but sorry folks it's just not the same. I still wish I shoulda coulda woulda, but what's done is done. I miss my dad, a lot.
On a lighter note...
Things people say to babies that you probably couldn't say to adults...
Please find the nearest adult and look into their eyes and say one of the following:
"I bet she smells good"
"I wanna eat those thighs"
"I wanna eat her"
"I wanna squeeze those thighs"
"Awe look at those rolls I wanna as squish him"
So many more, but those are my favorites!
Until next time...
Saturday, August 10, 2013
I'll let you in on a little secret
Almost there... 2 weeks 5 days left.
So I'm almost there. So much has happened since the last time I've been up in this piece.
Let begin with what I wasn't sharing.
20 week visit...the day we found out the sex of the baby.
I thought this would be a good visit to bring my mother to, considering I hadn't really involved her in much. I don't like to involve a bunch of people on purpose really, because well, people like to put their 2 cents in, I hate that, especially the "change" I didn't ask for in the first place. Anyway, bringing mom to the doctor ALWAYS a bad idea...go with your gut instinct Edie, duh.
ANYWAY, at 20 weeks we found out (my mother and I) found out I was having a girl, even though I insisted I was having a boy. Aaahh well, can't predict them all. Along with finding out we were having a girl we found out she has SUA (Single Umbilical Artery) and a pelvic kidney, functioning, but pelvic. Because little Ava had 2 abnormalities they suggested, even though I am/was "low risk", I get tested for trisomy 13, 18, and 21. 2 of those are fatal for either her or both of us and the other is downs syndrome.
Now I can't speak for everyone here, but dr's REALLY need a class on how to deliver news and the nurses need to learn to keep a game face on when they run across things that may or may not be serious issues.
For instance the lovely lady that was doing my ultrasound made it pretty damned obvious something was wrong. I could feel her nervous energy and I could see her nervousness too. THEN...she gets the dr..by the way before I continue I have to let you know my mother in an over-reactor and only hears what she wants to hear (although according to my siblings she can't hear very well, which she can't, but I'll go with what I believe ;p )...ANYWAY, the doctor comes in, who is not my dr by the way and starts with small talk, which was annoying because I knew something was wrong and she just needed to get to the point. She starts with "sometimes..." I was like "How often is sometimes?" She said,"1 to 2%." I was like, "So not sometimes." Then she began to explain to what was "wrong" with the baby. Of course things like this are scary, however I kept calm, my mother on the other hand not so much.
We get sent to wait for my doctor, who re-explains everything, but in a much more calm, pragmatic and professional manner. She explained with mine and Richard's genetic history it was VERY unlikely that any of the above would be an issue, however, now that we have this information I do have an opportunity to get tested. Of course at this point, we chose yes.
Here comes the comic relief: My mother. While we were waiting, and we waited a LONG time, I ask,"I wonder what other mothers do in these situations?" She said,"cry." I thought about it, but nothing was for sure so there was no reason for me to get upset, right? So then here comes my mother.." I knew something was wrong the baby's face on the ultrasound didn't look right and she couldn't find the baby's other leg. What did they say was wrong with her spine?" Knowing I did this to myself, I just respond, mother that's the way ALL ultrasounds look at this point. The baby has no fat so she looks skeletal, and I'm pretty sure with all that news they would have told me if she was missing a leg. They also said her spine was perfect." She continues on with her theories about downs syndrome and a few other things that made me want to call her a cab. However, I kept my cool while my doctor was getting me into the genetic specialist that day.
So while I'm listening to my mother reason and argue things out loud with herself I am getting TONS of text messages asking what the sex of the baby is. Of course, I am not responding because well, we don't even know if the baby is going to make it much farther. THEN, I get one last text message from a friend/co-worker...about me deleting her from Facebook. This issue was addressed as I told her when I did it I was deleting EVERYONE from work because of another issue. Apparently she forgot and proceeded to give me a piece of her mind, oh and call me immature. HA! (that's a whole other blog entry all together). I have all of these wonderful things going on around me and what does the nurse come to do? Take my blood pressure. Smooth. Yeah I totally expected it to be low...PSYCH! So because of my high blood pressure history I get to have another test done for preeclampsia. woo hoo!
So we got an appointment with the genetic specialist, but I had time to think about everything, with my mother, HA! and eat some lunch. So to most of society, there is something wrong with a child with downs. I don't and didn't see that at all. I could be so lucky to have a child with downs. What sweet, harmless, children. That I did not see as an issue at all. The other 2 genetic issues...those were troubling and I had never heard of SUA before. I did my research, by the way DON'T EVER look into the scientific websites...EVER. BAD BAD BAD. Instead turn to the mommy websites if you must clutter your mind with "what ifs". SUA did have a minor fatal possibility, but most likely she could be small, there is nothing wrong with a small baby. The pelvic kidney, not a big deal its functioning and well at least she has 2. It is very common for babies with SUA to only have one kidney. So this was good and things weren't so grim. However, trisomy 13 & 18 those were my concerns.
We get to the genetic specialist and it was a relief to hear,"we got your ultrasound, and we aren't really sure why they sent you here. With your genetic backgrounds and the ultrasound, it isn't likely that you will test positive for any of these things." I was like oh. In fact they told me that they would be REALLY surprised if the tests came back positive. However, we went ahead and did it anyway, what's another $750 on top of the rest of our bills, right? 7 - 10 days was the waiting period for my results. All that brings us to a total of 10 hours dealing with the dr. With in 2 days my mom was asking if I got my results. I politely said I would not be speaking to her until I got the results haha. She was trying to be positive saying we will love Ava no matter what etc. However, I just wanted the most information I could get AND not jump to any conclusions until I got my test results.
In the meantime, people were being quite cruel and RUDE (as Stephanie from Full House would say). Because I didn't announce the baby's sex right away and when people were asking I heard things like,"its probably because she was wrong about the sex of the baby." A few other ugly things and of course then having to deal with the drama THAT girl brought to work for no good reason. I was a bit stressed and a bit unhappy. I only explained the situation to a few friends and family members, because there really was no reason to cause worry over something that was not a done deal.
7-10 days is up!
All test results came back negative. Best voicemail I could have ever received! The next steps were just to monitor the size of the baby. Well...so far soo good. 36 weeks she was 5lbs 11oz. We are at 37 and I get a BPP (biophysical profile) once a week and a size ultrasound every 4. Everything has been going swimmingly.
These last 2 trimesters, with the exception of me getting huge, have been great. However, now that I've hit these final weeks...um yeah. You mommies that miraculously forget all the "bad" stuff that goes on during pregnancy. Shame on you! Your telling new mommies about pregnancy card has been revoked. People need to know they aren't alone from friends and family not by having to research it on the internet. The internet is scary and full of negativity. My sole purpose in writing this very blog is to let you know yeah, stuff gets crazy with pregnancy, BUT the silver lining is POSSIBLE even through the pain, misery, bloating, and swelling. I'm an open book and happy to share what my experiences are. The cool thing is that they are mine and may not be like everyone else's, but identifying with someone else is priceless. ;) I say good day.
So I'm almost there. So much has happened since the last time I've been up in this piece.
Let begin with what I wasn't sharing.
20 week visit...the day we found out the sex of the baby.
I thought this would be a good visit to bring my mother to, considering I hadn't really involved her in much. I don't like to involve a bunch of people on purpose really, because well, people like to put their 2 cents in, I hate that, especially the "change" I didn't ask for in the first place. Anyway, bringing mom to the doctor ALWAYS a bad idea...go with your gut instinct Edie, duh.
ANYWAY, at 20 weeks we found out (my mother and I) found out I was having a girl, even though I insisted I was having a boy. Aaahh well, can't predict them all. Along with finding out we were having a girl we found out she has SUA (Single Umbilical Artery) and a pelvic kidney, functioning, but pelvic. Because little Ava had 2 abnormalities they suggested, even though I am/was "low risk", I get tested for trisomy 13, 18, and 21. 2 of those are fatal for either her or both of us and the other is downs syndrome.
Now I can't speak for everyone here, but dr's REALLY need a class on how to deliver news and the nurses need to learn to keep a game face on when they run across things that may or may not be serious issues.
For instance the lovely lady that was doing my ultrasound made it pretty damned obvious something was wrong. I could feel her nervous energy and I could see her nervousness too. THEN...she gets the dr..by the way before I continue I have to let you know my mother in an over-reactor and only hears what she wants to hear (although according to my siblings she can't hear very well, which she can't, but I'll go with what I believe ;p )...ANYWAY, the doctor comes in, who is not my dr by the way and starts with small talk, which was annoying because I knew something was wrong and she just needed to get to the point. She starts with "sometimes..." I was like "How often is sometimes?" She said,"1 to 2%." I was like, "So not sometimes." Then she began to explain to what was "wrong" with the baby. Of course things like this are scary, however I kept calm, my mother on the other hand not so much.
We get sent to wait for my doctor, who re-explains everything, but in a much more calm, pragmatic and professional manner. She explained with mine and Richard's genetic history it was VERY unlikely that any of the above would be an issue, however, now that we have this information I do have an opportunity to get tested. Of course at this point, we chose yes.
Here comes the comic relief: My mother. While we were waiting, and we waited a LONG time, I ask,"I wonder what other mothers do in these situations?" She said,"cry." I thought about it, but nothing was for sure so there was no reason for me to get upset, right? So then here comes my mother.." I knew something was wrong the baby's face on the ultrasound didn't look right and she couldn't find the baby's other leg. What did they say was wrong with her spine?" Knowing I did this to myself, I just respond, mother that's the way ALL ultrasounds look at this point. The baby has no fat so she looks skeletal, and I'm pretty sure with all that news they would have told me if she was missing a leg. They also said her spine was perfect." She continues on with her theories about downs syndrome and a few other things that made me want to call her a cab. However, I kept my cool while my doctor was getting me into the genetic specialist that day.
So while I'm listening to my mother reason and argue things out loud with herself I am getting TONS of text messages asking what the sex of the baby is. Of course, I am not responding because well, we don't even know if the baby is going to make it much farther. THEN, I get one last text message from a friend/co-worker...about me deleting her from Facebook. This issue was addressed as I told her when I did it I was deleting EVERYONE from work because of another issue. Apparently she forgot and proceeded to give me a piece of her mind, oh and call me immature. HA! (that's a whole other blog entry all together). I have all of these wonderful things going on around me and what does the nurse come to do? Take my blood pressure. Smooth. Yeah I totally expected it to be low...PSYCH! So because of my high blood pressure history I get to have another test done for preeclampsia. woo hoo!
So we got an appointment with the genetic specialist, but I had time to think about everything, with my mother, HA! and eat some lunch. So to most of society, there is something wrong with a child with downs. I don't and didn't see that at all. I could be so lucky to have a child with downs. What sweet, harmless, children. That I did not see as an issue at all. The other 2 genetic issues...those were troubling and I had never heard of SUA before. I did my research, by the way DON'T EVER look into the scientific websites...EVER. BAD BAD BAD. Instead turn to the mommy websites if you must clutter your mind with "what ifs". SUA did have a minor fatal possibility, but most likely she could be small, there is nothing wrong with a small baby. The pelvic kidney, not a big deal its functioning and well at least she has 2. It is very common for babies with SUA to only have one kidney. So this was good and things weren't so grim. However, trisomy 13 & 18 those were my concerns.
We get to the genetic specialist and it was a relief to hear,"we got your ultrasound, and we aren't really sure why they sent you here. With your genetic backgrounds and the ultrasound, it isn't likely that you will test positive for any of these things." I was like oh. In fact they told me that they would be REALLY surprised if the tests came back positive. However, we went ahead and did it anyway, what's another $750 on top of the rest of our bills, right? 7 - 10 days was the waiting period for my results. All that brings us to a total of 10 hours dealing with the dr. With in 2 days my mom was asking if I got my results. I politely said I would not be speaking to her until I got the results haha. She was trying to be positive saying we will love Ava no matter what etc. However, I just wanted the most information I could get AND not jump to any conclusions until I got my test results.
In the meantime, people were being quite cruel and RUDE (as Stephanie from Full House would say). Because I didn't announce the baby's sex right away and when people were asking I heard things like,"its probably because she was wrong about the sex of the baby." A few other ugly things and of course then having to deal with the drama THAT girl brought to work for no good reason. I was a bit stressed and a bit unhappy. I only explained the situation to a few friends and family members, because there really was no reason to cause worry over something that was not a done deal.
7-10 days is up!
All test results came back negative. Best voicemail I could have ever received! The next steps were just to monitor the size of the baby. Well...so far soo good. 36 weeks she was 5lbs 11oz. We are at 37 and I get a BPP (biophysical profile) once a week and a size ultrasound every 4. Everything has been going swimmingly.
These last 2 trimesters, with the exception of me getting huge, have been great. However, now that I've hit these final weeks...um yeah. You mommies that miraculously forget all the "bad" stuff that goes on during pregnancy. Shame on you! Your telling new mommies about pregnancy card has been revoked. People need to know they aren't alone from friends and family not by having to research it on the internet. The internet is scary and full of negativity. My sole purpose in writing this very blog is to let you know yeah, stuff gets crazy with pregnancy, BUT the silver lining is POSSIBLE even through the pain, misery, bloating, and swelling. I'm an open book and happy to share what my experiences are. The cool thing is that they are mine and may not be like everyone else's, but identifying with someone else is priceless. ;) I say good day.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
2nd Trimester Joys!
I tricked you all. You probably thought I was going to write about how wonderful everything is and how everything is rainbows and butterflies....PSYCH!
I think I should write a how-to speak to pregnant women book. Well, then again, there are those who are super giddy over being nauseous, fat, and uncomfortable. Maybe I just see things differently. Anyway, now that I'm showing this pregnancy is thing has become very interesting.
"Let me see your belly. Take a picture of your belly and send it to me"
Pardon my French but what the fuck? Really? I was 220 lbs once upon a time and no one wanted to see my belly then. It looks just about the same. Why now? I have to say it's different when my close friends ask me because I've shown them way worse, but still. "I wanna see your belly." WHY?! Please give me 3 good reasons WHY you need to see my fat, pale, fuzzy belly. Next, person that asks for a picture of my belly is getting a picture of my ass. Now, I haven't had anyone touch me yet, however, I think I give off the "touch me and I'll hit you" vibe. I understand there is a baby in there, trust me, I don't sleep on my stomach because of it. So my response to those who I don't know very well who ask to see my belly? "No that's weird." So there ya go.
"Oh, you should be feeling this way now...""Oh you're feeling that already?"
In case some people on this earth did not learn by now, which has become very apparent to me, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. So if I feel uncomfortable because I have a fat pregnant belly, then let me own it. Shit, all you abnormally skinny people give me a break. I know that its hard for you to comprehend that there are other people of shapes and size, body chemistries etc, but um yeah, my belly makes me uncomfortable at a little over 4 1/2 months. AND FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, I can call myself fat if I want to damnit! I obviously don't have any self esteem issues or I would be posting pictures of only myself on Facebook making the same faces, poses, and my status updates would read something like "I love myself and I need to post it on Facebook to show you all its credible". So I can be fat, I AM FAT, its called I eat a lot. I am also pregnant. HOWEVER, that does NOT give you permission to make size jokes...I will get into that later. My doctor maybe the only person who asks me a few questions and doesn't want/need to throw in her 2 cents about all of her me me me me waah wahhh or how she felt during this time in her pregnancy in order to diminish anything that I say. Yeah, yeah people are identifying with me, whatever. They also say stupid stuff like "I felt sexy" or "2nd trimester was the best I ever felt". Thank you for your input. I don't feel either of those as a matter of fact I begin thinking that people will rub my belly at the Apollo for good luck instead of the tree stump. Aahhh well, people really think before they speak, don't they? "
"I'm sleepy."
Another growth spurt means more energy being sucked away. So I've been tired lately, I still exercise. My pregnancy app showed a survey of women who have go through the same thing and they also listed a few things they miss while being pregnant. I read about ladies not being invited anywhere anymore, that happened, but I can't say that's something I TOTALLY miss. Some said drinking, again, I'm okay without it. I actually miss being able to carry on about in my normal activities. Cleaning, working in the garden, working out hard as shit, so hard I feel like my limbs are gonna fall off. OH and most of all, I miss people commenting on things OTHER than my size or pregnancy. Those other chicks, miss lame stuff. What I miss is definitely better, way better. I'm only in my 2nd trimester...I can't imagine that people will say less ignorant, rude, or stupid stuff than they have been. I think this pregnancy thing is making me bitter...cuz this ain't the hormones talkin ;)
Pregnancy advice from men. Really?
I love that my doctor said, yes I can get my nails done, yes, I can get my hair done. I did some research myself, and its best to all of these things after the first trimester is over. I had to laugh when one of the men in my office said that I needed to be careful with the drugs I take. I was like "uh what drugs?" Those pre-natal drugs. HA! I believe those are just high doses of vitamins. Of course I could be wrong, I only take them and read the box n junk. Another one is "oh you can't dye your hair". Yeah, um isn't 1950 they use more organic products now on top of that you don't absorb anything through your hair, a minor amount through your scalp, yes. Hair...no. Of course, according to them men in my office, thats how they do hair follicle tests, because you absorb things through your hair. Well, shit. everyone screwed up they way they smoked pot. I guess you were supposed to rub it on your scalp.Who knew? Ah men, I love when they think they know stuff cuz they're men.
"This is your first kid?!"
Yeah asshole it is. Yeah I'm 33, but you know what? I am very happy with the way my life has panned out and very excited to have a child with a man who has been deemed worthy of an egg of mine ;) Not everyone is on the "I need to get married and have children by 25 plan." Frankly, I think that is a stupid plan. It may have worked out for some of you and some of you realize that it wasn't the plan for you. Like I said earlier EVERYONE is different. Kids aren't for everyone either. As a matter of fact, there was a point when I wasn't so sure I wanted to have children. I think once Richard and I had been together, in the same city, and learned more and more about each other, we realized that's what we wanted to do. First we wanted to get married, granted, another thing that is not right for everyone. People need to chill on the HAVE TO get married stuff. It needs to mean something to you and your significant other, in my belief. It needs to mean something more than just being married so you can have unprotected sex without your family and friends thinking your a dirty whore. So yes this is my first kid and we want to have another, hopefully we can. If not so be it, we have like 900 dogs. ;p
"I could almost make a Barney joke today."
Yes, the size comments are rollin' in even more so now. I just happened to wear a fuchsia shirt today and apparently it was Barneyesque. Of course, my response was, "Um maybe Baby bop because she had fuchsia, but not Barney, HE was purple, stupid." However, I do love the "wow you've gotten BIG." Why thank you, so has your fat ass. "I can totally see your belly now." Great! I've always been able to see yours and I don't want to see it! "Your belly has gotten big." Well pardon me, was that a midget you ate for breakfast? Please people, you know people DON'T like to have their size commented on when they are ARE NOT pregnant, what makes you think they want you to tell them how big they've gotten AFTER they ARE pregnant? Like pregnant women don't know they are bigger or "Barney" sized. *AHEM* if you look in my photo albums, one in particular titled "Celebrity Look Alikes" I already got yo Barney joke holmes.
"I don't think pregnant people are hormonal in an angry way, I think people choose to be particularly annoying around pregnant people." ~Edie
After my last blog and all of what is written preceding this, you cannot tell me you would be happy to deal with people. I don't think pregnant ladies are persnickety because of the hormones. I think they get persnickety because people who aren't pregnant say stupid shit that deserves an appropriate response to the idiocy. Now, by no means am I saying I HATE being pregnant, but I'm not going to hide that it is NOT what I thought. I thought, eating a bunch of food, feeling great, I may waddle a little but its cool. No, there are joint pains, nausea, lethargy, weight gain, out of control boob growth (which Richard does not mind) and so many other things. However, we are so very excited to meet our little one, my child may not have known what he was getting into when he/she (most likely he) chose me to be "da mama". ;)
So once again, my plea...people who aren't pregnant, be kind the pregnant ladies. Your jokes aren't funny, just your face.
I think I should write a how-to speak to pregnant women book. Well, then again, there are those who are super giddy over being nauseous, fat, and uncomfortable. Maybe I just see things differently. Anyway, now that I'm showing this pregnancy is thing has become very interesting.
"Let me see your belly. Take a picture of your belly and send it to me"
Pardon my French but what the fuck? Really? I was 220 lbs once upon a time and no one wanted to see my belly then. It looks just about the same. Why now? I have to say it's different when my close friends ask me because I've shown them way worse, but still. "I wanna see your belly." WHY?! Please give me 3 good reasons WHY you need to see my fat, pale, fuzzy belly. Next, person that asks for a picture of my belly is getting a picture of my ass. Now, I haven't had anyone touch me yet, however, I think I give off the "touch me and I'll hit you" vibe. I understand there is a baby in there, trust me, I don't sleep on my stomach because of it. So my response to those who I don't know very well who ask to see my belly? "No that's weird." So there ya go.
"Oh, you should be feeling this way now...""Oh you're feeling that already?"
In case some people on this earth did not learn by now, which has become very apparent to me, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. So if I feel uncomfortable because I have a fat pregnant belly, then let me own it. Shit, all you abnormally skinny people give me a break. I know that its hard for you to comprehend that there are other people of shapes and size, body chemistries etc, but um yeah, my belly makes me uncomfortable at a little over 4 1/2 months. AND FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, I can call myself fat if I want to damnit! I obviously don't have any self esteem issues or I would be posting pictures of only myself on Facebook making the same faces, poses, and my status updates would read something like "I love myself and I need to post it on Facebook to show you all its credible". So I can be fat, I AM FAT, its called I eat a lot. I am also pregnant. HOWEVER, that does NOT give you permission to make size jokes...I will get into that later. My doctor maybe the only person who asks me a few questions and doesn't want/need to throw in her 2 cents about all of her me me me me waah wahhh or how she felt during this time in her pregnancy in order to diminish anything that I say. Yeah, yeah people are identifying with me, whatever. They also say stupid stuff like "I felt sexy" or "2nd trimester was the best I ever felt". Thank you for your input. I don't feel either of those as a matter of fact I begin thinking that people will rub my belly at the Apollo for good luck instead of the tree stump. Aahhh well, people really think before they speak, don't they? "
"I'm sleepy."
Another growth spurt means more energy being sucked away. So I've been tired lately, I still exercise. My pregnancy app showed a survey of women who have go through the same thing and they also listed a few things they miss while being pregnant. I read about ladies not being invited anywhere anymore, that happened, but I can't say that's something I TOTALLY miss. Some said drinking, again, I'm okay without it. I actually miss being able to carry on about in my normal activities. Cleaning, working in the garden, working out hard as shit, so hard I feel like my limbs are gonna fall off. OH and most of all, I miss people commenting on things OTHER than my size or pregnancy. Those other chicks, miss lame stuff. What I miss is definitely better, way better. I'm only in my 2nd trimester...I can't imagine that people will say less ignorant, rude, or stupid stuff than they have been. I think this pregnancy thing is making me bitter...cuz this ain't the hormones talkin ;)
Pregnancy advice from men. Really?
I love that my doctor said, yes I can get my nails done, yes, I can get my hair done. I did some research myself, and its best to all of these things after the first trimester is over. I had to laugh when one of the men in my office said that I needed to be careful with the drugs I take. I was like "uh what drugs?" Those pre-natal drugs. HA! I believe those are just high doses of vitamins. Of course I could be wrong, I only take them and read the box n junk. Another one is "oh you can't dye your hair". Yeah, um isn't 1950 they use more organic products now on top of that you don't absorb anything through your hair, a minor amount through your scalp, yes. Hair...no. Of course, according to them men in my office, thats how they do hair follicle tests, because you absorb things through your hair. Well, shit. everyone screwed up they way they smoked pot. I guess you were supposed to rub it on your scalp.Who knew? Ah men, I love when they think they know stuff cuz they're men.
"This is your first kid?!"
Yeah asshole it is. Yeah I'm 33, but you know what? I am very happy with the way my life has panned out and very excited to have a child with a man who has been deemed worthy of an egg of mine ;) Not everyone is on the "I need to get married and have children by 25 plan." Frankly, I think that is a stupid plan. It may have worked out for some of you and some of you realize that it wasn't the plan for you. Like I said earlier EVERYONE is different. Kids aren't for everyone either. As a matter of fact, there was a point when I wasn't so sure I wanted to have children. I think once Richard and I had been together, in the same city, and learned more and more about each other, we realized that's what we wanted to do. First we wanted to get married, granted, another thing that is not right for everyone. People need to chill on the HAVE TO get married stuff. It needs to mean something to you and your significant other, in my belief. It needs to mean something more than just being married so you can have unprotected sex without your family and friends thinking your a dirty whore. So yes this is my first kid and we want to have another, hopefully we can. If not so be it, we have like 900 dogs. ;p
"I could almost make a Barney joke today."
Yes, the size comments are rollin' in even more so now. I just happened to wear a fuchsia shirt today and apparently it was Barneyesque. Of course, my response was, "Um maybe Baby bop because she had fuchsia, but not Barney, HE was purple, stupid." However, I do love the "wow you've gotten BIG." Why thank you, so has your fat ass. "I can totally see your belly now." Great! I've always been able to see yours and I don't want to see it! "Your belly has gotten big." Well pardon me, was that a midget you ate for breakfast? Please people, you know people DON'T like to have their size commented on when they are ARE NOT pregnant, what makes you think they want you to tell them how big they've gotten AFTER they ARE pregnant? Like pregnant women don't know they are bigger or "Barney" sized. *AHEM* if you look in my photo albums, one in particular titled "Celebrity Look Alikes" I already got yo Barney joke holmes.
"I don't think pregnant people are hormonal in an angry way, I think people choose to be particularly annoying around pregnant people." ~Edie
After my last blog and all of what is written preceding this, you cannot tell me you would be happy to deal with people. I don't think pregnant ladies are persnickety because of the hormones. I think they get persnickety because people who aren't pregnant say stupid shit that deserves an appropriate response to the idiocy. Now, by no means am I saying I HATE being pregnant, but I'm not going to hide that it is NOT what I thought. I thought, eating a bunch of food, feeling great, I may waddle a little but its cool. No, there are joint pains, nausea, lethargy, weight gain, out of control boob growth (which Richard does not mind) and so many other things. However, we are so very excited to meet our little one, my child may not have known what he was getting into when he/she (most likely he) chose me to be "da mama". ;)
So once again, my plea...people who aren't pregnant, be kind the pregnant ladies. Your jokes aren't funny, just your face.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Marriage and Pregnancy...The REAL True Story...for those of you who don't think before you speak
Marriage...
Richard and I have been together for almost 12 years now, married for approx. 5 months. Everything is great. Sure we have our disagreements, but we talk it out. The only thing that has changed is that for some reason whenever you get married all of the sudden you are busy ALL of the time. I'm not quite understanding this because him and I have shared a home for 5 years now and the only thing that has changed is that we are married. I guess there's a switch that gets flipped on or something. I don't know, but it is exhausting. However, I have always managed to maintain my friendships, if the other allows me to do so.
People say, "oh man your life is over." First, that is a TERRIBLE way to look at marriage. I feel sorry for you and your significant other if one of you has that outlook. Richard and I got married because we belong together. We are good for each other, we balance each other out. We had a celebration (our wedding) because we wanted to share our excitement in entering our certified, no longer living in sin, union with as many people as we could afford ;). Richard and I genuinely love each other. I like that when my friends tell others about us they say, "yeah you can tell they really love each other." Its the truth. Our lives, so far, so good. No one's life is over. Richard and I always have, and always will, think of ourselves and function as a team.
Trying to get pregnant?
Of course people ask all kinds of weird awkward questions, at least in my book, once you are married. Sometimes I wonder why people ask the things they ask, but then others consider it rude when you don't ask the things I consider weird and awkward. Although, I myself, am weird and awkward. (heh just had Beetlejuice flashback, anyone get that?)
My favorite question, the one question we got immediately once engaged, was/is "are you going to/trying to have kids?" Um. WEIRD. AWKWARD. In my mind, you literally just asked me "are you guys planning on having all kinds of unprotected sex" and then I think that is followed by that person visualizing what it woud look like for Richard and I to have sex. Dude, seriously, get outta my "intimate life". Another..."how's married life?" Seeing as Richard and I have been together for so long, um I would say, "uh how about the same."
So yes, we talked about having kids and what do ya know we have one on the way! I got all of the drinking out of my system in the last 18 years or so. I think I'll be good for awhile. Although, there are days a nice vodka and water with a dash of lime would soothe the nerves. Funny thing though. People told us, "oh its going to take you like 6 - 8 months to get pregnant." Yup. It took 2 months. Nice try people with your unsolicited advice.
My favorite comments along the way, made by my "friends" "you're not pregnant yet? what's taking so long?" A pregnant friend of mine "I feel bad being pregnant because I know you and Richard have been trying hard as shit to get pregnant." Really? Cuz uh, we had only been married a month and just casually "trying" (insert visual here) for only a couple weeks. Richard had been out of town for work off and on, so timing was just not on our side. BUT REALLY? Expecting us to get pregnant right out the gate? Gimme a break. I'm all old bawls and over 30 n stuff, plus I had a little bit more drinking to do and just a smidge more partying to do. Sheesh people CALM THE FUCK DOWN. My body, my life...don't worry your pretty little heads about it, I will always be just fine.
Now that I know I'm pregnant...I can't tell anyone?
So now that I was pregnant. I had to hide it. Why you ask? This for those of you who don't have kids, don't know anyone who has had kids, or just do not understand certain things. We didn't hide the fact we (really I am) are pregnant because we hate you, eh, maybe we did. Ha! Kidding....kind of. We did it because there are soo many things that can go wrong in the first trimester, it is suggested you don't share this information with the masses until you are "in the clear". Can you imagine having to tell EVERYONE you miscarried and having to relive that moment every time someone asks when you're due or how the baby is coming along? "In the clear" means after your first trimester, and DAMNIT! That's hard. Especially with my drinking, habits and the people I hang around, who fall into the "drinking buddy" category, which I will explain later. I hid it though, drinking "vodka waters" that were really just water and taking shots of pineapple juice while everyone else was taking jaeger or I would just pass the shot along to someone else. ;) I know I'm totes smooth!
I did have to tell a few people and a few other times it slipped out. However, it was interesting to see people's reactions. They either looked distraught, disappointed, or excited and happy. Luckily, before Richard and I were married, I had to learn the hard way, who my real friends were and who my "drinking buddies" are. Drinking buddies, will ONLY hang out with you if there is alcohol involved, if you are in an area where there are groups or blocks of bars and will ONLY call/text you to go to happy hour or go out on the weekends and ONLY if you both have the common goal to get hammered. So I have changed the expectations or standard I have set for that type of friend :) Eh, ya know it happens when you get older. You can only hold on to friendships for so long until, you realize you are the only one holding on to what you thought was a friendship.
YAY! We can tell people now!
Once we made the announcement I definitely haven't heard from several of my friends, which was to be expected because well, they were/are my drinking buddies. I think people forget I'm fun and can have fun sober. Maybe it's because they can't? I haven't had a problem in the past nor the present having a good time sober. I.e. My spectacular performance at a work party. Yes, I did karaoke. I karaoked the shit outta Shoop by Salt n Pepa. I moved the audience soo much 2 people from the audience came up and voluntarily became my back up dancers. Need I say more?
All of that being said...we made it through the first trimester. PHEW! Now I can finally talk about it. I wonder if people realized I heard the whispers about me "getting fat" and "gaining weight". Yeah. I heard ya. Shove it. I am pregnant. It was rough, the tight clothes, the bras, the sore boobs, the nausea and GOOD GOD the lethargy. Sheesh. I made it through and I FINALLY I could make the big announcement. HALLELUJAH! I didn't think the day would ever come!
More awkward questions:
"Are you excited?". Yeah good question to ask a nauseous pregnant lady, who feels bloated and fat. My response, "yeah." People get SOOO butt hurt I don't do fuckin' front flips and toe touches and awe and ooooh and goo goo ga ga over expecting. Yes, we are both excited, but also nervous, scared, and its our first child. Give me a break people. Please tell me how you would answer someone who asks you, "are you ok?" if you are speaking to the porcelain gods after a LONG night of drinking. Yeah not so exciting right? Luckily, I was just nauseous, no actual throwing up, another HALLELUJAH! Throwing up sucks. I haven't even met a bulimic who enjoys it.
Stereotyping the pregnant lady
Another funny thing about people. People like to categorize and stereotype. Once everyone knew I am pregnant the comments started pouring in even more so!
Comments about my weight:
"I knew you weren't just letting yourself go."
"I thought to myself, Edie isn't just getting fat for no reason"
"OH that explains you looking a little swollen."
Usually, these were also followed by, but you're not fat. Uh okay. That makes sense.
REALLY? Again, comments from "friends" of mine.
I was relieved a bit though. At least I could call myself fat and people wouldn't argue with me. Wrong. They still tell me I'm not fat. HELLO I have a scale and a mirror. When I say I'm fat, I'm not fishing for compliments or an argument. Plus, please tell me how its possible to be not fat and pregnant? It's a statement and leave it at that. Sheesh.
Pregnancy growths:
I was already busty before, but now. HOLY MOSES! Richard is a happy man to say the least and obviously a boob man. haha.
"You're not fat, you're just pregnant."
Uh no. I'm fat. Most people don't start showing until late in 3mos and past that. As I mentioned before my clothes are tight. I spent a LONG time to lose almost 70lbs. Now, I have to put 30 of it back on (that's average weight gain for us preggos)? I laughed when my pregnancy app at 12 weeks said, "you are 12 weeks today you may feel a little thicker around the middle." A LITTLE? Hunny, I hadn't eaten a grain, unnatural, processed food or sugar, in FOREVER. Now that I am eating them for the sake of the baby's health. SHOOOOT. A little thicker isn't the word. I was doing the paleo diet, which worked for me and my thyroid issues. HA! Imagine this...did you ever know someone who did Atkins for awhile then quit? It's like they dropped 50lbs over night and as soon as they stopped gained it all came back plus some over night. Yup. That's me. It's just about the same thing. Anytime you cut certain things out of your diet, and lose weight from it, you will gain the weight back once you begin eating those things again. I'm still exercising, still eating healthy, however I allow myself a cheat more so than I did before, only because if I don't, be prepared for a sick, angry pregnant Hulk. I have been maintaining my weight though. I am still learning to be okay with this weight gain, but I will have the opportunity to lose it and teach my child healthy habits in the process.
People like to brag about their pregnancy.
"I didn't show until I was 6 mos pregnant."
"I didn't look pregnant until I turned to the side." Okay, I get it you were already a skinny bitch. I am not, never have been, never will be a rail. For that I am thankful. I like my curves and so does my husband. So please save your self esteem issues for someone who wants to help you with them. I am not the type of person who will build you up if you are begging for a compliment. Nope. I will go ahead and tell you you're fat. I'll let reality hit you in the face :) Some people need it.
You HAVE to be like EVERYONE else!
Which brings me to another point. Other people want you to be like them.
Um. First. I have always taken pride in being an individual, as much as one can be, by that I mean realistic. I don't get myself wrapped up in what other people say or do. I will always do what I wanna. The end. I can't tell you how many people I speak to have their, theories, their wives tales. Dude. Shut up. There are genetics, science and hormones. Those are the only things I listen to, not your silly stories. So just because my face broke out like I'm 14 doesn't mean I'm having a girl. Just because the smell of meat makes me feel sick does not mean I am having a boy. Richard's genes determine that. So until then...I am sending out boy vibes to the universe. hahaha. If I don't have a boy, a friend of mine has to eat his shoe. Soooo...it's a boy. No wives tales, no mystery there. haha. Kidding, but seriously. Keep your theories to yourself please. They don't make me happy, they definitely don't make me smile. Acne and odor sensitivity are all symptoms of being pregnant. The end.
People think because you are pregnant EVERYTHING is a craving.
I wanted an egg salad sandwich. "Oh Edie, you're getting cravings" - from several people
So what was it before when I wanted an egg salad sandwich? Because I wasn't rail thin aka "fat" so all fat people eat egg salad sandwiches uncontrollably. Yes, yes, that's what it was. My favorite is when people ask,"so do you want pickles and ice cream now?" Uh no. That sounds disgusting. Fortunately, I think I balance my diet well enough so I haven't had any cravings, except one and that was when I was 7weeks pregnant. All I wanted was some damned cinnamon gummy bears, but the little "sample section" in the candy aisle at the grocery store quit carrying them. DAMNIT! I actually got some cinnamon gummy lips...not the same though. You can't tell me you me you've never wanted mexican food just for the sake of wanting it, and not because you are pregnant. If not, then I guess I have been pregnant for a VERY long time. I definitely have in the past wanted a few different things that are odd, but was not pregnant. I.e. my popcorn, cheddar cheese, tabasco and ranch combination. DELISH! Or my black beans, brown rice and cheese combination another delicious dish that I enjoyed regularly.
Hormones
Now that you're pregnant. All of the sudden you're moody ALL the time. WRONG. It's called trying to get shit done. My wonderful husband thinks its mood swings. Man time does not come anywhere close to equaling OCD woman time concerning a list of things to do. In my mind, there are few things that take a few moments to do. So why not do them real quick? In a man's mind...OH SHIT thats not what I want to do with my time so its going to take forever so I won't do it and I would rather have my wife/girlfriend/fiance nag me until I get it done. That is not a statement about my husband, but a general common concept I have noticed about the male gender. A woman's need to get stuff done NOW during pregnancy is also called "Nesting". I don't think men realize all the things women to do keep their shit together ON TOP of all the things we need to keep ourselves together.
I recently had to switch my oldest dog to senior food. It upset me a little bit, NOT BECAUSE I'm hormonal, but because I actually realized how old my baby boy was. You don't want me to get into Marley and Me do you? Because I was just a little upset over that..."oh my gosh you are super preggo". No I didn't cry, it was bothersome though. I have shed a few tears, a total of 2 nights, natural, normal mommy-to-be tears. Nothing a little exercise and time out of the house...oh and shopping don't forget shopping...couldn't handle.
Don't worry we are almost at the end.
I will always appreciate my mother's advice. Not because any of it is scientific, but more so because she has no shame explaining how she comes to her conclusions. The latest gem happened in front of everyone at my nieces' birthday party. We were walking out the door and my mother says,"so are you gonna breast feed or what? Because you need to put vitamin D on your nipples it makes them tough and hard. I did it and it was a lifesaver." Yes. This is the same 5ft nothing lady who seems quiet until she is doing the douggie. I won't give you her age, but lets just say she's considered a senior citizen.
PHEW! That was a long one. Sooo PLEASE if you actually read this, take this information and please use a little more cooth and tact with your next pregnant friend. ;) Cut the pregnant ladies, especially the first timers, some slack.
K thanks! k bye!
Richard and I have been together for almost 12 years now, married for approx. 5 months. Everything is great. Sure we have our disagreements, but we talk it out. The only thing that has changed is that for some reason whenever you get married all of the sudden you are busy ALL of the time. I'm not quite understanding this because him and I have shared a home for 5 years now and the only thing that has changed is that we are married. I guess there's a switch that gets flipped on or something. I don't know, but it is exhausting. However, I have always managed to maintain my friendships, if the other allows me to do so.
People say, "oh man your life is over." First, that is a TERRIBLE way to look at marriage. I feel sorry for you and your significant other if one of you has that outlook. Richard and I got married because we belong together. We are good for each other, we balance each other out. We had a celebration (our wedding) because we wanted to share our excitement in entering our certified, no longer living in sin, union with as many people as we could afford ;). Richard and I genuinely love each other. I like that when my friends tell others about us they say, "yeah you can tell they really love each other." Its the truth. Our lives, so far, so good. No one's life is over. Richard and I always have, and always will, think of ourselves and function as a team.
Trying to get pregnant?
Of course people ask all kinds of weird awkward questions, at least in my book, once you are married. Sometimes I wonder why people ask the things they ask, but then others consider it rude when you don't ask the things I consider weird and awkward. Although, I myself, am weird and awkward. (heh just had Beetlejuice flashback, anyone get that?)
My favorite question, the one question we got immediately once engaged, was/is "are you going to/trying to have kids?" Um. WEIRD. AWKWARD. In my mind, you literally just asked me "are you guys planning on having all kinds of unprotected sex" and then I think that is followed by that person visualizing what it woud look like for Richard and I to have sex. Dude, seriously, get outta my "intimate life". Another..."how's married life?" Seeing as Richard and I have been together for so long, um I would say, "uh how about the same."
So yes, we talked about having kids and what do ya know we have one on the way! I got all of the drinking out of my system in the last 18 years or so. I think I'll be good for awhile. Although, there are days a nice vodka and water with a dash of lime would soothe the nerves. Funny thing though. People told us, "oh its going to take you like 6 - 8 months to get pregnant." Yup. It took 2 months. Nice try people with your unsolicited advice.
My favorite comments along the way, made by my "friends" "you're not pregnant yet? what's taking so long?" A pregnant friend of mine "I feel bad being pregnant because I know you and Richard have been trying hard as shit to get pregnant." Really? Cuz uh, we had only been married a month and just casually "trying" (insert visual here) for only a couple weeks. Richard had been out of town for work off and on, so timing was just not on our side. BUT REALLY? Expecting us to get pregnant right out the gate? Gimme a break. I'm all old bawls and over 30 n stuff, plus I had a little bit more drinking to do and just a smidge more partying to do. Sheesh people CALM THE FUCK DOWN. My body, my life...don't worry your pretty little heads about it, I will always be just fine.
Now that I know I'm pregnant...I can't tell anyone?
So now that I was pregnant. I had to hide it. Why you ask? This for those of you who don't have kids, don't know anyone who has had kids, or just do not understand certain things. We didn't hide the fact we (really I am) are pregnant because we hate you, eh, maybe we did. Ha! Kidding....kind of. We did it because there are soo many things that can go wrong in the first trimester, it is suggested you don't share this information with the masses until you are "in the clear". Can you imagine having to tell EVERYONE you miscarried and having to relive that moment every time someone asks when you're due or how the baby is coming along? "In the clear" means after your first trimester, and DAMNIT! That's hard. Especially with my drinking, habits and the people I hang around, who fall into the "drinking buddy" category, which I will explain later. I hid it though, drinking "vodka waters" that were really just water and taking shots of pineapple juice while everyone else was taking jaeger or I would just pass the shot along to someone else. ;) I know I'm totes smooth!
I did have to tell a few people and a few other times it slipped out. However, it was interesting to see people's reactions. They either looked distraught, disappointed, or excited and happy. Luckily, before Richard and I were married, I had to learn the hard way, who my real friends were and who my "drinking buddies" are. Drinking buddies, will ONLY hang out with you if there is alcohol involved, if you are in an area where there are groups or blocks of bars and will ONLY call/text you to go to happy hour or go out on the weekends and ONLY if you both have the common goal to get hammered. So I have changed the expectations or standard I have set for that type of friend :) Eh, ya know it happens when you get older. You can only hold on to friendships for so long until, you realize you are the only one holding on to what you thought was a friendship.
YAY! We can tell people now!
Once we made the announcement I definitely haven't heard from several of my friends, which was to be expected because well, they were/are my drinking buddies. I think people forget I'm fun and can have fun sober. Maybe it's because they can't? I haven't had a problem in the past nor the present having a good time sober. I.e. My spectacular performance at a work party. Yes, I did karaoke. I karaoked the shit outta Shoop by Salt n Pepa. I moved the audience soo much 2 people from the audience came up and voluntarily became my back up dancers. Need I say more?
All of that being said...we made it through the first trimester. PHEW! Now I can finally talk about it. I wonder if people realized I heard the whispers about me "getting fat" and "gaining weight". Yeah. I heard ya. Shove it. I am pregnant. It was rough, the tight clothes, the bras, the sore boobs, the nausea and GOOD GOD the lethargy. Sheesh. I made it through and I FINALLY I could make the big announcement. HALLELUJAH! I didn't think the day would ever come!
More awkward questions:
"Are you excited?". Yeah good question to ask a nauseous pregnant lady, who feels bloated and fat. My response, "yeah." People get SOOO butt hurt I don't do fuckin' front flips and toe touches and awe and ooooh and goo goo ga ga over expecting. Yes, we are both excited, but also nervous, scared, and its our first child. Give me a break people. Please tell me how you would answer someone who asks you, "are you ok?" if you are speaking to the porcelain gods after a LONG night of drinking. Yeah not so exciting right? Luckily, I was just nauseous, no actual throwing up, another HALLELUJAH! Throwing up sucks. I haven't even met a bulimic who enjoys it.
Stereotyping the pregnant lady
Another funny thing about people. People like to categorize and stereotype. Once everyone knew I am pregnant the comments started pouring in even more so!
Comments about my weight:
"I knew you weren't just letting yourself go."
"I thought to myself, Edie isn't just getting fat for no reason"
"OH that explains you looking a little swollen."
Usually, these were also followed by, but you're not fat. Uh okay. That makes sense.
REALLY? Again, comments from "friends" of mine.
I was relieved a bit though. At least I could call myself fat and people wouldn't argue with me. Wrong. They still tell me I'm not fat. HELLO I have a scale and a mirror. When I say I'm fat, I'm not fishing for compliments or an argument. Plus, please tell me how its possible to be not fat and pregnant? It's a statement and leave it at that. Sheesh.
Pregnancy growths:
I was already busty before, but now. HOLY MOSES! Richard is a happy man to say the least and obviously a boob man. haha.
"You're not fat, you're just pregnant."
Uh no. I'm fat. Most people don't start showing until late in 3mos and past that. As I mentioned before my clothes are tight. I spent a LONG time to lose almost 70lbs. Now, I have to put 30 of it back on (that's average weight gain for us preggos)? I laughed when my pregnancy app at 12 weeks said, "you are 12 weeks today you may feel a little thicker around the middle." A LITTLE? Hunny, I hadn't eaten a grain, unnatural, processed food or sugar, in FOREVER. Now that I am eating them for the sake of the baby's health. SHOOOOT. A little thicker isn't the word. I was doing the paleo diet, which worked for me and my thyroid issues. HA! Imagine this...did you ever know someone who did Atkins for awhile then quit? It's like they dropped 50lbs over night and as soon as they stopped gained it all came back plus some over night. Yup. That's me. It's just about the same thing. Anytime you cut certain things out of your diet, and lose weight from it, you will gain the weight back once you begin eating those things again. I'm still exercising, still eating healthy, however I allow myself a cheat more so than I did before, only because if I don't, be prepared for a sick, angry pregnant Hulk. I have been maintaining my weight though. I am still learning to be okay with this weight gain, but I will have the opportunity to lose it and teach my child healthy habits in the process.
People like to brag about their pregnancy.
"I didn't show until I was 6 mos pregnant."
"I didn't look pregnant until I turned to the side." Okay, I get it you were already a skinny bitch. I am not, never have been, never will be a rail. For that I am thankful. I like my curves and so does my husband. So please save your self esteem issues for someone who wants to help you with them. I am not the type of person who will build you up if you are begging for a compliment. Nope. I will go ahead and tell you you're fat. I'll let reality hit you in the face :) Some people need it.
You HAVE to be like EVERYONE else!
Which brings me to another point. Other people want you to be like them.
Um. First. I have always taken pride in being an individual, as much as one can be, by that I mean realistic. I don't get myself wrapped up in what other people say or do. I will always do what I wanna. The end. I can't tell you how many people I speak to have their, theories, their wives tales. Dude. Shut up. There are genetics, science and hormones. Those are the only things I listen to, not your silly stories. So just because my face broke out like I'm 14 doesn't mean I'm having a girl. Just because the smell of meat makes me feel sick does not mean I am having a boy. Richard's genes determine that. So until then...I am sending out boy vibes to the universe. hahaha. If I don't have a boy, a friend of mine has to eat his shoe. Soooo...it's a boy. No wives tales, no mystery there. haha. Kidding, but seriously. Keep your theories to yourself please. They don't make me happy, they definitely don't make me smile. Acne and odor sensitivity are all symptoms of being pregnant. The end.
People think because you are pregnant EVERYTHING is a craving.
I wanted an egg salad sandwich. "Oh Edie, you're getting cravings" - from several people
So what was it before when I wanted an egg salad sandwich? Because I wasn't rail thin aka "fat" so all fat people eat egg salad sandwiches uncontrollably. Yes, yes, that's what it was. My favorite is when people ask,"so do you want pickles and ice cream now?" Uh no. That sounds disgusting. Fortunately, I think I balance my diet well enough so I haven't had any cravings, except one and that was when I was 7weeks pregnant. All I wanted was some damned cinnamon gummy bears, but the little "sample section" in the candy aisle at the grocery store quit carrying them. DAMNIT! I actually got some cinnamon gummy lips...not the same though. You can't tell me you me you've never wanted mexican food just for the sake of wanting it, and not because you are pregnant. If not, then I guess I have been pregnant for a VERY long time. I definitely have in the past wanted a few different things that are odd, but was not pregnant. I.e. my popcorn, cheddar cheese, tabasco and ranch combination. DELISH! Or my black beans, brown rice and cheese combination another delicious dish that I enjoyed regularly.
Hormones
Now that you're pregnant. All of the sudden you're moody ALL the time. WRONG. It's called trying to get shit done. My wonderful husband thinks its mood swings. Man time does not come anywhere close to equaling OCD woman time concerning a list of things to do. In my mind, there are few things that take a few moments to do. So why not do them real quick? In a man's mind...OH SHIT thats not what I want to do with my time so its going to take forever so I won't do it and I would rather have my wife/girlfriend/fiance nag me until I get it done. That is not a statement about my husband, but a general common concept I have noticed about the male gender. A woman's need to get stuff done NOW during pregnancy is also called "Nesting". I don't think men realize all the things women to do keep their shit together ON TOP of all the things we need to keep ourselves together.
I recently had to switch my oldest dog to senior food. It upset me a little bit, NOT BECAUSE I'm hormonal, but because I actually realized how old my baby boy was. You don't want me to get into Marley and Me do you? Because I was just a little upset over that..."oh my gosh you are super preggo". No I didn't cry, it was bothersome though. I have shed a few tears, a total of 2 nights, natural, normal mommy-to-be tears. Nothing a little exercise and time out of the house...oh and shopping don't forget shopping...couldn't handle.
Don't worry we are almost at the end.
I will always appreciate my mother's advice. Not because any of it is scientific, but more so because she has no shame explaining how she comes to her conclusions. The latest gem happened in front of everyone at my nieces' birthday party. We were walking out the door and my mother says,"so are you gonna breast feed or what? Because you need to put vitamin D on your nipples it makes them tough and hard. I did it and it was a lifesaver." Yes. This is the same 5ft nothing lady who seems quiet until she is doing the douggie. I won't give you her age, but lets just say she's considered a senior citizen.
PHEW! That was a long one. Sooo PLEASE if you actually read this, take this information and please use a little more cooth and tact with your next pregnant friend. ;) Cut the pregnant ladies, especially the first timers, some slack.
K thanks! k bye!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Realization at 31
I have to begin by saying. I never knew what I wanted to be "when I grow up", except for famous. I went to college and studied communications and worked like most others. I found I have a passion for radio/marketing and work GREAT with children. I got laid off twice from the radio stations I worked at and figured, screw it. It's not stable enough for me to continue on that path. So I decided to return to school to work in the medical field, at first it was a dr, if I wanted to graduate when I'm 65, then a nurse, which is still a possibility, although I am thinking physician's assistant. I went to a community college to finish the pre reqs I didn't cover with my 1st degree, which are still unfinished. I stopped going to school, because I ended up with a terrible professor (I was going part time) for one of the MOST important classes, counselors who just wanted me in and out of their offices. I felt lost and discouraged. I really wanted to do this, I felt it was in my blood to do this. The question was if I can't get the support I need from my school how the HELL am I going to do this? I was working part-time and going to school part-time and I really did well in most of my courses. As I looked for another professor to take this certain class with, yup, NO ONE ELSE! I would wait HOURS & HOURS on end trying to get grants and trying to meet with counselors to help me find options. Nothing. I finally had to go to the mental health counselor to get some help. She helped me knock out everything I needed. She was a GOD send.
I still felt extremely discouraged as the last semester rolled by. Is this really what I need to do? I am working soo hard and this one class/professor was killing me. So I didn't return. For a few reasons. I will be getting married soon and can't pay for a wedding as a student and well I needed to reboot and make sure this is what is what was calling my name. So as I sit here in my cubicle, ready to tear my hair out because I'm being asked to complete some menial task, the answer is yes. I am TOO fucking smart to be sitting hear waiting hand and foot on someone who could have opened the drawer that is right next to him and pull the file out, instead of ME getting up from my desk walking down the hall to do the same for him.
Once I am married, I AM OUTTA HERE! I will return to my studies, finish, and be the best physician's assistant ever!!!! I have applied to HUNDREDS of jobs and nothing has come of the interview and call backs I have gotten. I have taken this as a sign that I need to work in health care. Not only for myself, but my soon to be family and my immediate family. I needed to actually get this out of my system instead of thinking it all the time because now as I make the steps towards that goal it will become reality.
SO before I RUN OUTTA HERE AT FULL SPEED WITH MY ARMS FLAILING IN THE AIR SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS...remind me, patients my dear. You are working toward your goal, use your time wisely.
THE END.
I still felt extremely discouraged as the last semester rolled by. Is this really what I need to do? I am working soo hard and this one class/professor was killing me. So I didn't return. For a few reasons. I will be getting married soon and can't pay for a wedding as a student and well I needed to reboot and make sure this is what is what was calling my name. So as I sit here in my cubicle, ready to tear my hair out because I'm being asked to complete some menial task, the answer is yes. I am TOO fucking smart to be sitting hear waiting hand and foot on someone who could have opened the drawer that is right next to him and pull the file out, instead of ME getting up from my desk walking down the hall to do the same for him.
Once I am married, I AM OUTTA HERE! I will return to my studies, finish, and be the best physician's assistant ever!!!! I have applied to HUNDREDS of jobs and nothing has come of the interview and call backs I have gotten. I have taken this as a sign that I need to work in health care. Not only for myself, but my soon to be family and my immediate family. I needed to actually get this out of my system instead of thinking it all the time because now as I make the steps towards that goal it will become reality.
SO before I RUN OUTTA HERE AT FULL SPEED WITH MY ARMS FLAILING IN THE AIR SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS...remind me, patients my dear. You are working toward your goal, use your time wisely.
THE END.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Holiday WOES good bye!!!
I've decided to get behind a few products that have been around for awhile. One is beach body. Beach body is the entire line of p90x videoes (hip hop abs, slim in 6 etc). ALSO their Shakeology is great!! I tried and instantly fell in love. These are the gifts that keep on giving. I have a few health goals that I want to meet before the actual REAL holidays begin (Thanksgiving and Christmas) and these products are already helping me get there. What I love about these products is ai talk to people who use these and have seen actual results, REAL results from their use. As Tony Horton would say, "Bring it!"
Please feel free to shop in my virtual stores and check out my profile and story!
http://beachbodycoach.com/Ediesk
http://myshakeology.com/Ediesk
Please let me know if you have any questions!
I've decided to get behind a few products that have been around for awhile. One is beach body. Beach body is the entire line of p90x videoes (hip hop abs, slim in 6 etc). ALSO their Shakeology is great!! I tried and instantly fell in love. These are the gifts that keep on giving. I have a few health goals that I want to meet before the actual REAL holidays begin (Thanksgiving and Christmas) and these products are already helping me get there. What I love about these products is ai talk to people who use these and have seen actual results, REAL results from their use. As Tony Horton would say, "Bring it!"
Please feel free to shop in my virtual stores and check out my profile and story!
http://beachbodycoach.com/Ediesk
http://myshakeology.com/Ediesk
Please let me know if you have any questions!
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