Marriage...
Richard and I have been together for almost 12 years now, married for approx. 5 months. Everything is great. Sure we have our disagreements, but we talk it out. The only thing that has changed is that for some reason whenever you get married all of the sudden you are busy ALL of the time. I'm not quite understanding this because him and I have shared a home for 5 years now and the only thing that has changed is that we are married. I guess there's a switch that gets flipped on or something. I don't know, but it is exhausting. However, I have always managed to maintain my friendships, if the other allows me to do so.
People say, "oh man your life is over." First, that is a TERRIBLE way to look at marriage. I feel sorry for you and your significant other if one of you has that outlook. Richard and I got married because we belong together. We are good for each other, we balance each other out. We had a celebration (our wedding) because we wanted to share our excitement in entering our certified, no longer living in sin, union with as many people as we could afford ;). Richard and I genuinely love each other. I like that when my friends tell others about us they say, "yeah you can tell they really love each other." Its the truth. Our lives, so far, so good. No one's life is over. Richard and I always have, and always will, think of ourselves and function as a team.
Trying to get pregnant?
Of course people ask all kinds of weird awkward questions, at least in my book, once you are married. Sometimes I wonder why people ask the things they ask, but then others consider it rude when you don't ask the things I consider weird and awkward. Although, I myself, am weird and awkward. (heh just had Beetlejuice flashback, anyone get that?)
My favorite question, the one question we got immediately once engaged, was/is "are you going to/trying to have kids?" Um. WEIRD. AWKWARD. In my mind, you literally just asked me "are you guys planning on having all kinds of unprotected sex" and then I think that is followed by that person visualizing what it woud look like for Richard and I to have sex. Dude, seriously, get outta my "intimate life". Another..."how's married life?" Seeing as Richard and I have been together for so long, um I would say, "uh how about the same."
So yes, we talked about having kids and what do ya know we have one on the way! I got all of the drinking out of my system in the last 18 years or so. I think I'll be good for awhile. Although, there are days a nice vodka and water with a dash of lime would soothe the nerves. Funny thing though. People told us, "oh its going to take you like 6 - 8 months to get pregnant." Yup. It took 2 months. Nice try people with your unsolicited advice.
My favorite comments along the way, made by my "friends" "you're not pregnant yet? what's taking so long?" A pregnant friend of mine "I feel bad being pregnant because I know you and Richard have been trying hard as shit to get pregnant." Really? Cuz uh, we had only been married a month and just casually "trying" (insert visual here) for only a couple weeks. Richard had been out of town for work off and on, so timing was just not on our side. BUT REALLY? Expecting us to get pregnant right out the gate? Gimme a break. I'm all old bawls and over 30 n stuff, plus I had a little bit more drinking to do and just a smidge more partying to do. Sheesh people CALM THE FUCK DOWN. My body, my life...don't worry your pretty little heads about it, I will always be just fine.
Now that I know I'm pregnant...I can't tell anyone?
So now that I was pregnant. I had to hide it. Why you ask? This for those of you who don't have kids, don't know anyone who has had kids, or just do not understand certain things. We didn't hide the fact we (really I am) are pregnant because we hate you, eh, maybe we did. Ha! Kidding....kind of. We did it because there are soo many things that can go wrong in the first trimester, it is suggested you don't share this information with the masses until you are "in the clear". Can you imagine having to tell EVERYONE you miscarried and having to relive that moment every time someone asks when you're due or how the baby is coming along? "In the clear" means after your first trimester, and DAMNIT! That's hard. Especially with my drinking, habits and the people I hang around, who fall into the "drinking buddy" category, which I will explain later. I hid it though, drinking "vodka waters" that were really just water and taking shots of pineapple juice while everyone else was taking jaeger or I would just pass the shot along to someone else. ;) I know I'm totes smooth!
I did have to tell a few people and a few other times it slipped out. However, it was interesting to see people's reactions. They either looked distraught, disappointed, or excited and happy. Luckily, before Richard and I were married, I had to learn the hard way, who my real friends were and who my "drinking buddies" are. Drinking buddies, will ONLY hang out with you if there is alcohol involved, if you are in an area where there are groups or blocks of bars and will ONLY call/text you to go to happy hour or go out on the weekends and ONLY if you both have the common goal to get hammered. So I have changed the expectations or standard I have set for that type of friend :) Eh, ya know it happens when you get older. You can only hold on to friendships for so long until, you realize you are the only one holding on to what you thought was a friendship.
YAY! We can tell people now!
Once we made the announcement I definitely haven't heard from several of my friends, which was to be expected because well, they were/are my drinking buddies. I think people forget I'm fun and can have fun sober. Maybe it's because they can't? I haven't had a problem in the past nor the present having a good time sober. I.e. My spectacular performance at a work party. Yes, I did karaoke. I karaoked the shit outta Shoop by Salt n Pepa. I moved the audience soo much 2 people from the audience came up and voluntarily became my back up dancers. Need I say more?
All of that being said...we made it through the first trimester. PHEW! Now I can finally talk about it. I wonder if people realized I heard the whispers about me "getting fat" and "gaining weight". Yeah. I heard ya. Shove it. I am pregnant. It was rough, the tight clothes, the bras, the sore boobs, the nausea and GOOD GOD the lethargy. Sheesh. I made it through and I FINALLY I could make the big announcement. HALLELUJAH! I didn't think the day would ever come!
More awkward questions:
"Are you excited?". Yeah good question to ask a nauseous pregnant lady, who feels bloated and fat. My response, "yeah." People get SOOO butt hurt I don't do fuckin' front flips and toe touches and awe and ooooh and goo goo ga ga over expecting. Yes, we are both excited, but also nervous, scared, and its our first child. Give me a break people. Please tell me how you would answer someone who asks you, "are you ok?" if you are speaking to the porcelain gods after a LONG night of drinking. Yeah not so exciting right? Luckily, I was just nauseous, no actual throwing up, another HALLELUJAH! Throwing up sucks. I haven't even met a bulimic who enjoys it.
Stereotyping the pregnant lady
Another funny thing about people. People like to categorize and stereotype. Once everyone knew I am pregnant the comments started pouring in even more so!
Comments about my weight:
"I knew you weren't just letting yourself go."
"I thought to myself, Edie isn't just getting fat for no reason"
"OH that explains you looking a little swollen."
Usually, these were also followed by, but you're not fat. Uh okay. That makes sense.
REALLY? Again, comments from "friends" of mine.
I was relieved a bit though. At least I could call myself fat and people wouldn't argue with me. Wrong. They still tell me I'm not fat. HELLO I have a scale and a mirror. When I say I'm fat, I'm not fishing for compliments or an argument. Plus, please tell me how its possible to be not fat and pregnant? It's a statement and leave it at that. Sheesh.
Pregnancy growths:
I was already busty before, but now. HOLY MOSES! Richard is a happy man to say the least and obviously a boob man. haha.
"You're not fat, you're just pregnant."
Uh no. I'm fat. Most people don't start showing until late in 3mos and past that. As I mentioned before my clothes are tight. I spent a LONG time to lose almost 70lbs. Now, I have to put 30 of it back on (that's average weight gain for us preggos)? I laughed when my pregnancy app at 12 weeks said, "you are 12 weeks today you may feel a little thicker around the middle." A LITTLE? Hunny, I hadn't eaten a grain, unnatural, processed food or sugar, in FOREVER. Now that I am eating them for the sake of the baby's health. SHOOOOT. A little thicker isn't the word. I was doing the paleo diet, which worked for me and my thyroid issues. HA! Imagine this...did you ever know someone who did Atkins for awhile then quit? It's like they dropped 50lbs over night and as soon as they stopped gained it all came back plus some over night. Yup. That's me. It's just about the same thing. Anytime you cut certain things out of your diet, and lose weight from it, you will gain the weight back once you begin eating those things again. I'm still exercising, still eating healthy, however I allow myself a cheat more so than I did before, only because if I don't, be prepared for a sick, angry pregnant Hulk. I have been maintaining my weight though. I am still learning to be okay with this weight gain, but I will have the opportunity to lose it and teach my child healthy habits in the process.
People like to brag about their pregnancy.
"I didn't show until I was 6 mos pregnant."
"I didn't look pregnant until I turned to the side." Okay, I get it you were already a skinny bitch. I am not, never have been, never will be a rail. For that I am thankful. I like my curves and so does my husband. So please save your self esteem issues for someone who wants to help you with them. I am not the type of person who will build you up if you are begging for a compliment. Nope. I will go ahead and tell you you're fat. I'll let reality hit you in the face :) Some people need it.
You HAVE to be like EVERYONE else!
Which brings me to another point. Other people want you to be like them.
Um. First. I have always taken pride in being an individual, as much as one can be, by that I mean realistic. I don't get myself wrapped up in what other people say or do. I will always do what I wanna. The end. I can't tell you how many people I speak to have their, theories, their wives tales. Dude. Shut up. There are genetics, science and hormones. Those are the only things I listen to, not your silly stories. So just because my face broke out like I'm 14 doesn't mean I'm having a girl. Just because the smell of meat makes me feel sick does not mean I am having a boy. Richard's genes determine that. So until then...I am sending out boy vibes to the universe. hahaha. If I don't have a boy, a friend of mine has to eat his shoe. Soooo...it's a boy. No wives tales, no mystery there. haha. Kidding, but seriously. Keep your theories to yourself please. They don't make me happy, they definitely don't make me smile. Acne and odor sensitivity are all symptoms of being pregnant. The end.
People think because you are pregnant EVERYTHING is a craving.
I wanted an egg salad sandwich. "Oh Edie, you're getting cravings" - from several people
So what was it before when I wanted an egg salad sandwich? Because I wasn't rail thin aka "fat" so all fat people eat egg salad sandwiches uncontrollably. Yes, yes, that's what it was. My favorite is when people ask,"so do you want pickles and ice cream now?" Uh no. That sounds disgusting. Fortunately, I think I balance my diet well enough so I haven't had any cravings, except one and that was when I was 7weeks pregnant. All I wanted was some damned cinnamon gummy bears, but the little "sample section" in the candy aisle at the grocery store quit carrying them. DAMNIT! I actually got some cinnamon gummy lips...not the same though. You can't tell me you me you've never wanted mexican food just for the sake of wanting it, and not because you are pregnant. If not, then I guess I have been pregnant for a VERY long time. I definitely have in the past wanted a few different things that are odd, but was not pregnant. I.e. my popcorn, cheddar cheese, tabasco and ranch combination. DELISH! Or my black beans, brown rice and cheese combination another delicious dish that I enjoyed regularly.
Hormones
Now that you're pregnant. All of the sudden you're moody ALL the time. WRONG. It's called trying to get shit done. My wonderful husband thinks its mood swings. Man time does not come anywhere close to equaling OCD woman time concerning a list of things to do. In my mind, there are few things that take a few moments to do. So why not do them real quick? In a man's mind...OH SHIT thats not what I want to do with my time so its going to take forever so I won't do it and I would rather have my wife/girlfriend/fiance nag me until I get it done. That is not a statement about my husband, but a general common concept I have noticed about the male gender. A woman's need to get stuff done NOW during pregnancy is also called "Nesting". I don't think men realize all the things women to do keep their shit together ON TOP of all the things we need to keep ourselves together.
I recently had to switch my oldest dog to senior food. It upset me a little bit, NOT BECAUSE I'm hormonal, but because I actually realized how old my baby boy was. You don't want me to get into Marley and Me do you? Because I was just a little upset over that..."oh my gosh you are super preggo". No I didn't cry, it was bothersome though. I have shed a few tears, a total of 2 nights, natural, normal mommy-to-be tears. Nothing a little exercise and time out of the house...oh and shopping don't forget shopping...couldn't handle.
Don't worry we are almost at the end.
I will always appreciate my mother's advice. Not because any of it is scientific, but more so because she has no shame explaining how she comes to her conclusions. The latest gem happened in front of everyone at my nieces' birthday party. We were walking out the door and my mother says,"so are you gonna breast feed or what? Because you need to put vitamin D on your nipples it makes them tough and hard. I did it and it was a lifesaver." Yes. This is the same 5ft nothing lady who seems quiet until she is doing the douggie. I won't give you her age, but lets just say she's considered a senior citizen.
PHEW! That was a long one. Sooo PLEASE if you actually read this, take this information and please use a little more cooth and tact with your next pregnant friend. ;) Cut the pregnant ladies, especially the first timers, some slack.
K thanks! k bye!
