2nd Trimester Joys!

I tricked you all.  You probably thought I was going to write about how wonderful everything is and how everything is rainbows and butterflies....PSYCH!

I think I should write a how-to speak to pregnant women book.  Well, then again, there are those who are super giddy over being nauseous, fat, and uncomfortable. Maybe I just see things differently. Anyway, now that I'm showing this pregnancy is thing has become very interesting.

"Let me see your belly. Take a picture of your belly and send it to me"
Pardon my French but what the fuck? Really?  I was 220 lbs once upon a time and no one wanted to see my belly then. It looks just about the same. Why now? I have to say it's different when my close friends ask me because I've shown them way worse, but still. "I wanna see your belly." WHY?! Please give me 3 good reasons WHY you need to see my fat, pale, fuzzy belly. Next, person that asks for a picture of my belly is getting a picture of my ass.  Now, I haven't had anyone touch me yet, however, I think I give off the "touch me and I'll hit you" vibe. I understand there is a baby in there, trust me, I don't sleep on my stomach because of it.  So my response to those who I don't know very well who ask to see my belly? "No that's weird." So there ya go.

"Oh, you should be feeling this way now...""Oh you're feeling that already?"
In case some people on this earth did not learn by now, which has become very apparent to me, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.  So if I feel uncomfortable because I have a fat pregnant belly, then let me own it. Shit, all you abnormally skinny people give me a break.  I know that its hard for you to comprehend that there are other people of shapes and size, body chemistries etc, but um yeah, my belly makes me uncomfortable at a little over 4 1/2 months. AND FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, I can call myself fat if I want to damnit! I obviously don't have any self esteem issues or I would be posting pictures of only myself on Facebook making the same faces, poses, and my status updates would read something like "I love myself and I need to post it on Facebook to show you all its credible".  So I can be fat, I AM FAT, its called I eat a lot. I am also pregnant. HOWEVER, that does NOT give you permission to make size jokes...I will get into that later.  My doctor maybe the only person who asks me a few questions and doesn't want/need to throw in her 2 cents about all of her me me me me waah wahhh or how she felt during this time in her pregnancy in order to diminish anything that I say. Yeah, yeah people are identifying with me, whatever.  They also say stupid stuff like "I felt sexy" or "2nd trimester was the best I ever felt". Thank you for your input. I don't feel either of those as a matter of fact I begin thinking that people will rub my belly at the Apollo for good luck instead of the tree stump.  Aahhh well, people really think before they speak, don't they? "

"I'm sleepy."
Another growth spurt means more energy being sucked away.  So I've been tired lately, I still exercise.  My pregnancy app showed a survey of women who have go through the same thing and they also listed a few things they miss while being pregnant.  I read about ladies not being invited anywhere anymore, that happened, but I can't say that's something I TOTALLY miss.  Some said drinking, again, I'm okay without it.  I actually miss being able to carry on about in my normal activities. Cleaning, working in the garden, working out hard as shit, so hard I feel like my limbs are gonna fall off. OH and most of all, I miss people commenting on things OTHER than my size or pregnancy. Those other chicks, miss lame stuff.  What I miss is definitely better, way better. I'm only in my 2nd trimester...I can't imagine that people will say less ignorant, rude, or stupid stuff than they have been. I think this pregnancy thing is making me bitter...cuz this ain't the hormones talkin ;)

Pregnancy advice from men.  Really?
I love  that my doctor said, yes I can get my nails done, yes, I can get my hair done. I did some research myself, and its best to all of these things after the first trimester is over.  I had to laugh when one of the men in my office said that I needed to be careful with the drugs I take.  I was like "uh what drugs?" Those pre-natal drugs. HA! I believe those are just high doses of vitamins. Of course I could be wrong, I only take them and read the box n junk. Another one is "oh you can't dye your hair". Yeah, um isn't 1950 they use more organic products now on top of that you don't absorb anything through your hair, a minor amount through your scalp, yes. Hair...no. Of course, according to them men in my office, thats how they do hair follicle tests, because you absorb things through your hair. Well, shit. everyone screwed up they way they smoked pot.  I guess you were supposed to rub it on your scalp.Who knew? Ah men, I love when they think they know stuff cuz they're men.

"This is your first kid?!"
Yeah asshole it is. Yeah I'm 33, but you know what?  I am very happy with the way my life has panned out and very excited to have a child with a man who has been deemed worthy of an egg of mine ;) Not everyone is on the "I need to get married and have children by 25 plan." Frankly, I think that is a stupid plan.  It may have worked out for some of you and some of you realize that it wasn't the plan for you.  Like I said earlier EVERYONE is different.  Kids aren't for everyone either. As a matter of fact, there was a point when I wasn't so sure I wanted to have children.  I think once Richard and I had been together, in the same city, and learned more and more about each other, we realized that's what we wanted to do. First we wanted to get married, granted, another thing that is not right for everyone.  People need to chill on the HAVE TO get married stuff. It needs to mean something to you and your significant other, in my belief.  It needs to mean something more than just being married so you can have unprotected sex without your family and friends thinking your a dirty whore.  So yes this is my first kid and we want to have another, hopefully we can. If not so be it, we have like 900 dogs. ;p

"I could almost make a Barney joke today."
Yes, the size comments are rollin' in even more so now.  I just happened to wear a fuchsia shirt today and apparently it was Barneyesque. Of course, my response was, "Um maybe Baby bop because she had fuchsia, but not Barney, HE was purple, stupid." However, I do love the "wow you've gotten BIG." Why thank you, so has your fat ass. "I can totally see your belly now." Great! I've always been able to see yours and I don't want to see it! "Your belly has gotten big." Well pardon me, was that a midget you ate for breakfast? Please people, you know people DON'T like to have their size commented on when they are ARE NOT pregnant, what makes you think they want you to tell them how big they've gotten AFTER they ARE pregnant? Like pregnant women don't know they are bigger or "Barney" sized. *AHEM* if you look in my photo albums, one in particular titled "Celebrity Look Alikes" I already got yo Barney joke holmes. 

"I don't think pregnant people are hormonal in an angry way, I think people choose to be particularly annoying around pregnant people." ~Edie
After my last blog and all of what is written preceding this, you cannot tell me you would be happy to deal with people.  I don't think pregnant ladies are persnickety because of the hormones.  I think they get persnickety because people who aren't pregnant say stupid shit that deserves an appropriate response to the idiocy. Now, by no means am I saying I HATE being pregnant, but I'm not going to hide that it is NOT what I thought. I thought, eating a bunch of food, feeling great, I may waddle a little but its cool. No, there are joint pains, nausea, lethargy, weight gain, out of control boob growth (which Richard does not mind) and so many other things. However, we are so very excited to meet our little one, my child may not have known what he was getting into when he/she (most likely he) chose me to be "da mama". ;)

So once again, my plea...people who aren't pregnant, be kind the pregnant ladies.  Your jokes aren't funny, just your face.