Is there one in EVERY office?

I know many have suffered from an inconsiderate, gossip prone, RUDE, loud music listening co worker. At my place of work we refer to him as the Troll Badger. Cleverly named by yours truly. I would think by 49 you would understand social graces and common courtesy, this is not so for this fine specimen.  I began work here last year in June.  I was warned, but the Troll Badger seemed nice enough.  He made an attempt to be friendly and speak to me. What I heard just could NOT be true.

WRONG!
Let's begin with his inappropriateness.  He asked me to feel his muscle, because he believes he is "pretty ripped for an old guy". I said no thank you.  He urged and urged for me to squeeze his pathetic bicep.  So I poked it with my index finger.  He says,"no squeeze it." I said, "No, thank you, I'm good." He continued to tell me how he works out with his trainer and how he got his ass kicked.  I humored him, because I really didn't see any harm in it, at the time, and suggested drinking protein right after workouts etc.  Why don't we ever listen to people who have probably experienced something terrible and are trying to give us a hint.  It's because we are human. 

Since he has seen me at the gym working my lil' patootie off, I guess he also thought he needed to comment on whatever I was eating whenever I was eating. ANNOYING! For instance, if I happened to sneak a little bite sized candy, ONE ONLY ONE.  I would hear, "you know how long you'll have to be on the treadmill to burn that off?". Seriously, Mr. Chunky Troll Badger telling someone else how to eat? People should mind their own bidness when it comes to food. No one wants your comments about what they are eating. Let a girl eat in peace!

Those are just a few examples.  What brings me to this subject today is.... ETIQUETTE in the work place. 
Not only does he listen to Katy Perry, Pink, Taylor Swift, and whatever else you will find on a NOW! cd at FULL BLAST. He plays his videos games loudly and most annoyingly I could hear him cuss people out and tell them to "blow him" or anything else involving his nuts. BLECK! Other people are making IMPORTANT phone calls. Hey here's an idea CLOSE YOUR DOOR.

I put up with this for a very long time before requesting to move desks.  I am quite content where I am now  However, he manages to spread his Troll Badger wealth around the office.  He comes and hovers in my work new area (he has no reason to be over here). He goes into my boss's office right when he gets there. I ain't skeered, because unlike him, I am working.  Most recently, he brings the "stank food" to work. Great, you're eating healthy.  There are ways to manage your food stank.  Try spraying lysol after you warm up or even COVERING your food in the microwave. No one wants to put their cold need to be warmed up lunch  in a cavern of exploded and burnt chicken and fish guts.  He leaves his food to rot in the fridge. People, if you forget its understandable, but for the LOVE OF THE LORD ALMIGHTY clean it out so that it does not cause a foul odor. Then put your container somewhere where only YOU will have to sit in your own stank. 

Last, but not least.  As Thumper once said to Bambi,"Momma always said if ya don't got nuthin' nice to say don't say nuthin' at all." Yes, Troll Badger ranted and raved about a young lady and her "piggishness." He sharing as loud as he could and also with the building across the highway. He thought this lady looked like a pig. She doesn't eat healthy nor take care of herself. This coming from someone licks his fingers up and down the hallways.  He said she's unhealthy. Well, Mr. Office Troll Badger, little did I know only eating lean cuisine's and muscle milk was a healthy diet, which miraculously gives you a nice sized gut to hang over your short little pants.  I can see he is the virtue of health, which is why he holds a striking resemblance Quasimodo with a badger face. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.  As I type that, I realize I too am not saying anything nice nor am I keeping my stones to myself.  If he wasn't ever so deserving of such insult I might feel a bit bothered by my rant, but I don't, and well, HE IS THE PIG.

I could go on about the Office Troll Badger.  I am soo sorry if you have one in your office.  They are uncontrollable and unforgiving.  All you can do is pray for you to accept and tolerate this being and pray that one day he/she will see the err in his/her ways.  I have been thinking of writing a book of office etiquette in an attempt to educate your local office troll badger.  It is not okay to cough/sneeze without covering your mouth. It is not okay to begin a conversation with someone and when they reciprocate to tell them you don't care.  It is not okay to try and push your weight around the office because you think you're a bad ass, when really all anyone sees is a sorry little troll badger with no social skills.

AAAHHHH, ok.  work out of my system. Lets go workout!